Desire is an energizing force in the universe. It isn’t something to be ashamed of, it is a natural part of life. Yet, many of us grew up with shame attached to our bodies and to our sexuality.
For some of us, sexual desire was something sinful, and we were taught it should be hidden and never talked about. We were instructed to be modest and cover up even though sex is portrayed on tv, magazines, and billboards.
Sex is a powerful marketing tool used to sell products as well as capturing our attention in entertainment. Oddly enough, it is also something that is rarely talked about openly. We were conditioned to believe that talking about our sexuality and desires should be embarrassing and awkward.
Outside of junior high sex-ed class, there is little formal education that informs adults about the human anatomy. So we learn about the sex through movies, pornography, the internet, and our friends. This information is rarely based on fact or reality.
The depiction of sexual relationships in ads or movies is skewed toward male physiology. This idea compels women to match the quickness of achieving an orgasm. When we don’t, we feel disappointed or inadequate. We question why we are unable to climax on demand like the women in the movies.
Setting our sexual expectation on movies or media graphics creates unrealistic expectations in the bedroom. It causes us to focus on the outcome of the sexual encounter and not on the pleasure that can be derived from slowing down and being mindful of the experience.
Rarely do you see romance, foreplay or sensuality leading into a sex scene. The woman’s needs and desires are secondary to the storyline. Rarely do movies depict an empowered woman asking for what she wants from her male counterpart.
As women, we need to flip the script and know our bodies so well we can feel confident about sharing how we want to experience pleasure. The key is knowing how those sensations feel to you so you can describe them to your partner.
What type of pressure feels good? What positions send sensations through your body? How do you like to be kissed? These are natural conversations that should be taking place between lovers on a regular basis, but they don’t. Why? Because we were conditioned to stuff our wants and desires. “Good girls, don’t” express what they want in the bedroom, and therefore education never takes place between lovers.
The result is unfilled, disconnected sex. Women rely on men to satisfy them, but very few men understand how the female anatomy was designed to experience pleasure. We need to change the focus from the orgasm to how to prolong and enjoy the pleasure of building intimacy in our relationships.
If we focus on the emotional part of our sexual experience, we will find that pleasure is found inside and outside of the bedroom. If we feel connected to our partner on an emotional, physical and spiritual level better orgasms will be an organic conclusion.
We begin to feel sexual pleasure in our mind. As our mind embraces the thought of pleasure, we can explore new possibilities for how pleasure can be experienced alone or as a couple.
Being open to self-discovery, experimentation, taking classes, or being coached can help elevate your sexual experience. Creating the experiences we want in life takes courage. It’s time to take the stigma out of sex and discuss it openly without fear of embarrassment or chastisement.
What do you say, shall we talk about sex?